JOKES

  Fishing | Thoughts | Out of the Mouth of Babes | Miracle of Birth
History Test | Tidbits |

FISHING
A man calls home to his wife and says,
"Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a
big lake up in Canada with my boss and
several of his friends.
We'll be gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get
that promotion I've been wanting.
" Would you please pack me enough clothes
for a week and set out my rod and tackle box.
We're leaving from the office and I will swing
by the house to pick my things up.
Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being
a good wife that she is, she does exactly what
her husband asked.
The following weekend he comes home a little tired
but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he
caught many fish.
He says, "Yes!  Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill,
and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack
my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replied :
"I did, they were in your tackle box."


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Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother.
 "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

* *

On the first day of school, a first grader handed
his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."

BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. 
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. 
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear"?
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear!"

* *

I was driving with my three young children
one warm summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! 
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
five-year-old shout from the back seat,
"Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

* *

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and
found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter,
 haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

* *

ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
 I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
The various appliances of old age unfailingly intrigued her, 
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teethcsoaking in a glass.
As I braced  myself  for the inevitable barrage of questions, 
she merely turned and whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

* *

Girlfriends

From a friend.... 
 I sat under an Oak tree in Wyoming on a summer day,
 drinking iced tea and visiting with my Mother. 
"Don't forget your girlfriends," Mother advised,  
clinking the ice cubes in her glass. 
No matter how much you love your husband, 
you are still going to need girlfriends. 
Remember to go places with them now and then; 
do things with them. 
And remember that girlfriends are not only friends, 
but sisters, daughters and other relatives too.
" What a funny piece of advice, I thought. 
Hadn't I just gotten married? 
Hadn't I just joined the couple-world? 
I was now a married woman, for goodness sake, 
not a young girl who needed girlfriends. 
But I listened to my Mom. 
I kept contact with my girlfriends and made more each year. 
As the years tumbled by, one after another, gradually 
I came to understand that Mom really knew what 
she was talking about. 

Here is what I know about Girlfriends: 
Girlfriends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom 
when you need help. 
Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets. 
Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. 
Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't. 
Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, 
but they're usually honest. 
Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't 
agree with your choices. 
Girlfriends might send you a birthday card, 
but they might not. It does not matter in the least 
Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need 
canned jokes to start the laughter. 
Girlfriends pull you out of jams. 
Girlfriends don't keep a calendar that lets them 
know who hosted the other last big party! 
Girlfriends will give a party for your son or 
daughter  when they get married or have a baby, 
in whichever order that comes! 
Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and 
when the hard times come. 
Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend. 
Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart. 
Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.

 My sisters, family, and friends bless my life! 
When we began this adventure we had no idea of the  
incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. 
Nor did we know how much we would need each other. 


 "All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream." 
~ Edgar Allan Poe